once when i was probably about 7 years old, my parents, sister and i were driving home from some family function (i’m assuming) when my mom plugged in one of her famous mixed tapes. these tapes usually consisted of songs from the likes of the beatles, john denver, simon & garfunkle, carly simon, and sometimes some cookier alternatives, like frank zappa or raffy. i don’t remember the details surrounding this particular event, but for some reason my sister and i started singing one of my mom and dad’s favorite drugged up college years songs, “jelly man kelly.” this song was on sesame street a few times, but other than that, i have no idea why the fuck they loved this song or how they knew about it. anyway, lauren and i are laughing and singing the song completely wrong (mostly just repeating jelly jelly jelly man, jelly man, jelly man over and over — not the words) and my mom and dad are excited to remember this song. they start singing the actual version while my sister and i are in the back seat making up words, when all the sudden my mom turns to us and in a pitch i can only describe as blood-curdling, goes “STOP SINGING SO WE CAN REMEMBER THE WORDS!” and without missing a beat, takes the vocal role of soprano while dad begins in tenor. they then proceeded to sing the whole chorus a cappella while my sister and i cried in the back.
this is one of my favorite childhood memories.
what do you do when a complete stranger comes up and touches you/slaps your ass/etc? i chased the dude half a block threatening to cut off his nutsack. too intense? i would have killed him if i had the chance.
You are well within your rights to break a fucking finger. I try not to let it ruin my night, though. I can communicate my intention to castrate a motherfucker with a stern look. That’s usually all it takes.
to the one i hurt the most:
i can’t take a breath without the weight of my guilt suffocating me a little. knowing what i’ve done to you is the worst punishment i’ve ever had to bear. you didn’t deserve it; i’m a stupid girl who got scared, and thought i wasn’t sure of anything. it sucks that in order to finally feel sure about something i had to lose everything. i know you resent me right now, and i know there’s no guarentees for a future, and i honestly am so mentally exhausted that my initial reaction is to just lay down and play dead. i miss you. i love you. if anything, i just hope you know and believe that.
to my day-late friend:
we each had a different idea of what roles one another could play in each others lives. i thought we might be on the same page at one point but the truth is staring me in the face and it’s dejavu of dejavu. i connected with you on a level i’ve never connected with any other friend, and for that reason i’m mourning the loss of this more than i’ve ever mourned the loss of a friendship. when i’m sad about you or because of you, the only one i want to talk to about it is you. but i cant keep hurting you too. i just wish i had someone to talk to again but i don’t and that makes the lonely even lonelier. it’s been a lot cloudier lately.
to my former hero:
you have no idea how you’re making me feel right now. you used to be my sun and now anytime i think of you i can’t tell whether i want to call you and cry and tell you i love you or sever all ties and never look back. i know you’re lost and you’ve been lost but you are going about this all the wrong way. its like youre stealing gasoline from the pump to fill up your gaudy hummer because it’s too expensive to keep filling up, but all you really have to do is sell the car and get a more affordable model. you can’t have your cake and eat it too. stop doing this. you make me feel like i’m destined to do the same.
this shit spinning around in my head is making me feel like a nutjob. i know i’m not a nutjob but until shit starts to get good again i am living my life day by day with one foot in my grave.
dope:
the worst:
We love your body. If we’re in love with you, we love your body. Your potbelly, everything. Even if you’re insecure about something, we love your body. You feel like you’re not this or that? We love your body. We embrace everything. Because it’s you.
Speaking of your body, you don’t understand…
